Long ago, there was no land; and no government to capitalize it for the benefit of the elite. Instead, you would see a vast horizon of sea, and a clean, plastic-free ocean that filled the world. Birds were flying, free from bullets to kill them anytime soon.
Except there was one bird tired of flapping her wings and doing the bare minimum, just like all of us. She couldn’t seem to rest. One day, she, just like any centrist propagandist would do, thought of a solution. She made the sky and the sea turn against each other. The sea was so mad that it threw huge stones to the sky. In defense, the sky poured heavy rainfall into the sea. It was the first time the world had witnessed a fight between two opposing sides; soon, it was scattered into different cultural perspectives, societal groups, and political affiliations; and it only took one self-centered propagandist for everything to fall apart.
The bird was so scared, trying to selfishly place herself as the victim, so she fled for her life. In the middle of the air, she saw different landforms that would soon be colonized by the Western imperialists. She looked down and saw various species of trees which, as we all know, would eventually be converted into modernized and capitalistic infrastructures.
While desperately flying, she got thirsty. She tried the sea water, but it was too salty for her. She then realized that the saltwater was not drinkable, unless otherwise she lived until the 21st century when the sea could be converted into drinkable water, but rampant corruption among the government hindered everyone from their rights of good living. As she roamed and searched for rivulets, her physical drought turned into existential one—hopeless, tired, and desperate. (Much like how college students feel in the present.) Through her crisis, the bird suddenly bumped into a bamboo, and later on found out that it had drips on it and if she pecked it, her thirst might finally be quenched.
She pecked and pecked until she heard a hoarse voice. “Peck harder. Peck harder.” Frightened yet curious, the bird continued to peck until the bamboo cracked and split into two— which at that time was still legally acceptable because environmental laws weren’t raised yet— and two different species came out of it.
Scientists would have rejoiced after that discovery, however, those two species were the first human beings on Earth. A man and a woman stepped out of the bamboo sticks and bowed to each other as an “advanced congratulations” for ruining the ecosystem in the years to come. They were called Malakas and Maganda, because our education has faulted our minds to believe in these sexist remarks.
Of course, their names aren’t even evidence of their capacities, as it is a sheer generalization and interpretation of sexual organs, therefore originating the belief that having two balls is mightier than a hole. And that being a woman is all about beauty, and that strength is always associated with men.
As she witnessed the emergence of the first human beings, the bird flew as fast as she could. She forgot her thirst, and missed out on her role on the forthcoming destruction of the world as we know it.
Based on a retelling by Teofilo del Castillo